Werewolf’s Guide to Time TravelA Sterek Gif-Fic Pt. 32

Derek,

I went for a walk last night after the family went to sleep. My leg is healed so it wasn’t so bad making my way into town. I just wanted to get out of the house for a bit you know? Ever since the harpy attack your family has been keeping a pretty close eye on me and its a bit suffocating dude. I love them but I need some space, some quality Stilinski time…well not “Stilinski time” just alone time…nevermind…you get what I mean.

I was just walking around town seeing what was different in this time and my own and…I ended up at my house.

I saw her Derek.

My mom.

She was just…there.

I was standing across the street from my house and I could see through the windows. She was just sitting on the couch next to my dad watching television. 

It was so normal.

She’s been gone so long that I’ve started to fear that I’d forgotten her face. Not because we don’t have pictures of her but I think you know what I mean when I say that when someone you love dies you still have this image of them in your mind of all the best parts of them. My mom was made up of only the best parts, she was but it’s been so long that I’ve started to fear that maybe I’ve made a lot of her up but then she was just there and…and she is so beautiful Derek.

She was always so beautiful.

Like the sun, people couldn’t help but gravitate towards her. She had a way of moving with such grace and ease that I don’t understand how someone like me could be her son. All arms and legs and no idea what to do with them, but my mum was different. She would enter a room and it would be like the light was suddenly switched on, her kindness, warmth and beauty would fill up all the empty spaces. Even when she was in the hospital and they had all those horrible tubes sticking out of her, I still thought she was the most beautiful person I had ever seen in my life

She was - She is so beautiful…and when I saw her I wanted to race across the street and hold her one more time. Tell her I was her son, have her hold me, kiss me and tell me she loved me…that everything was going to be okay. Growing up she was the only person who made me feel truly loved and accepted, hyperactive kid and all. My dad tries and I love him but no one got me like my mom did.

I was so close to her just standing on the footpath in front of my house. I was about to walk up to the front door when I felt someone’s fingers grip my arm and stop me. I shouldn’t have been surprised. Of course you, this younger you that is, wouldn’t let me walk off on my own in the middle of the night. It made me angry though and I may have punched you which didn’t end well since you’re made of stone or something ridiculous. You dragged me away from the house and yes we argued all the way to Deaton’s clinic. Even when you are all young and polite you can still manage to argue with me - politely, but it’s in those moments I see you.

Deaton advised me to use something other than my fists next time I wanted to take on a werewolf. I told him I’d make of a note of it and he gave me that look - the look of a man who can read my thoughts - shit, can Deaton read minds because it would explain a lot and would also mean I have to be more careful next time I see him…anyway what was I saying?

Oh right, I guess what I’m trying to say is that…

I miss her Derek…and I know I shouldn’t complain to you about being here when I know you would give up everything to have your family back. But she’s here Derek and you’re here too - but I can’t touch either of you, not really.

I miss you too but you know not that much, just a bit. A very tiny barely measurable amount…hardly any at all really. I miss my dad and Scott a lot though - but you meh…not really…

Although sometimes I would hear the phone ring or hear a noise in the woods and I would get up and expect you to just be there, you know? To creep out of the shadows as you do - God I can’t believe I actually miss you being a creeper…I must be going crazy.

You probably don’t…you know…about me…do you?

I mean are you dating anyone or seeing other people in general? I mean we only went on that one date and it kind of ended badly in case you’ve forgotten.

Have you? I mean have you dated anyone while I’ve been gone?…we never discussed how exclusive we are but I just assumed, but I guess I had no right to expect - 

Fuck. I hate this! I want to come home! I miss you - you stupid-stupid creeper werewolf! It’s even worse that you are actually sitting in the room across from me and I can’t even talk to you about any of this. Because he’s not you Derek, he’s not you and I want you.

I want to hear your voice dammit, to pick up my phone and hear you shout orders at me that I will just ignore anyway.

I want to go on a proper date with you without supernatural shit happening or if it does happen, which lets face it - it will, we can fight it together. 

I want to listen to you talk about your family and I’ll actually know what you mean when you talk about Aunt Rose’s cooking and Sam’s pranks…

I want to watch you train the beta’s, terribly I might add but you are trying I know you are..I know you are doing the best you can in the crappy situation. And I want to sit in that disgusting warehouse on that horrible couch and do research and help you figure out the monster of the week. Listen to your lame jokes and laugh when you growl at my sarcastic comments.

I want to - fuck Derek I don’t know…I just want sit with you and watch crappy movies and listen to you complain about the movie, about my eating habits, about everything really…because I want to be the one you can talk about anything.

I even miss your grumpy ass face when we argue, when you’re being a stubborn asshole and I can’t for the life of me figure out what’s going on in that Alpha head of yours…

I really am losing it aren’t I? Things that usually drive me crazy about you - things that made me want to physically strangle you…are the things I miss the most about you.

God, I miss you so much…

Fuck ——

I guess I do miss you. 

A lot.

All the time.

Every second of every fucking moment.

And its killing me to live everyday, having to look at your face, this younger version of you and hate him and love him because he’s not you.

Fuck. I can’t  do this—

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Stiles?"

Stiles starts and drops the pen he was using to furiously cross out the words in the letter he just wrote. He turns to see Derek watching him with a concerned expression on his face.

"I knocked but you didn’t answer," Derek says his eyes roaming across Stiles face, "Are you alright?"

"Fine," Stiles says in a hoarse voice, he clears it and continues, "Great, why do you ask."

Derek stares at him for a long time before stepping into the room and closing the door.

"Because you’re crying."

Stiles lifts a hand to his wet cheek and quickly turns away to wipe the tears away.

"Just -" he tries again but his voice breaks and he takes a shaky breath before turning around again to a clearly concerned looking Derek, "I’m fine. Everything’s fine."

He knows that Derek can hear the lie but the werewolf doesn’t call him out on it.

"Dinner’s ready," Derek says looking down at the floor, "But if you want I’ll just tell mom to put something aside for you."

"What? No, I um - just let me finish this letter and I’ll be right there."

Derek nods his head and Stiles grins at the kid but Derek doesn’t return it, just turns and gives him one last worried look before closing the door behind him.

Stiles turns back to the letter on the desk in front of him. He stares at it for a long time before crumpling it up in a ball and tossing it into the bin. Stiles stares at the crumpled letter then sighs, takes it out and flattening it and quickly folding it up before putting into an envelope and sealing it. 

He hears a knock on his door and Laura calling his name.

"I’m coming," Stiles says putting the letter into the tinbox and joining the Hales for dinner. 

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